... walking backwards down memory lane, xoxo ღ (xoxotriangle) wrote in bepimpled,
... walking backwards down memory lane, xoxo ღ

Hi, my name's Beth and I'm a 15-year-old from Canada who, honestly, hasn't been dealing with acne long at all. It's only been the last 6 months or so that I've been struggling with it.

My story is: I have body dysmorphic disorder, and my obsession has always been with my skin. Since I was a little girl, 11 or 12, I've been caking on tons of makeup; foundation, concealer, blush, eyeshadow, etc. to make my skin look clearer and more luminous. I look back at pictures of myself when I was 12, 13, 14 and marvel at how beautiful my skin was, yet I always thought it was disgusting and covered in blemishes and acne. I was unable to even put my garbage out at the curb without spending a few hours on makeup application.

Back in September my doctor prescribed me Stievamycin, but in the beginning didn't see a reason for it because my skin was pretty much clear. Stievamycin usually takes 3-4 months to work, and since it is a topical gel an initial breakout is expected. I used it up until December and then stopped, because oh boy did I EVER have a breakout . . . and then I waited, very patiently, for that breakout to clear, leaving me flawless. It never cleared.

Now, I'm struggling to clear up what Stievamycin did to my skin. I have bumps that aren't fully pimples all over my forehead, and a couple very hard, headless and noticable bumps underneath the skin. Around my cheeks I have flat blemishes that are bright purple-red and stand out against my pale pale complexion. At the left side of my face I have clusters of whiteheads that are sensitive to touch. Overall my face is red and patchy.

At the moment I'm washing my face twice a day with Noxzema Anti-Bacterial Lathering Cleanser (Triclosan Medicated) and applying Clean & Clear Deep Cleaning Astringent (Medicated with 2% Salicylic Acid). 3-4 times a week I apply a Baking Soda Mask for 20 minutes and then rebalance my skin's PH levels with a vinegar solution that I wash off later. I also use sea salt scrubs every other day and am taking Yaz for birth control.

Am I using too many different products on my skin, and too often? It doesn't burn or irritate my skin it seems, I got use to the Stievamycin which BURNS like acid and peels layers of skin off.

I am just so sick and tired of this!! I'm so young, why do I need to wear tons of makeup? I go to school and see every other girl, radiant and freshfaced, and I'm jealous that they can just roll out of bed and not worry about applying foundation to hide their acne-riddled skin. :( I am at  my wits end, I barely goto school or go out with friends anymore because I don't want to clog my pores with makeup and I feel so uncomfortable with it on. I cry every time I look in a mirror, I can barely face my mother and her boyfriend whom I live with. I am moody all the time now and even feel suicidal. I hate myself more than anything and try as much as possible NOT to look into reflective surfaces. I wish I were dead:( I can't live like this anymore.

help please, I just need suggestions on what to do? thank you, i'm so glad this community is alive. <3
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